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I just finished listening to your book. I have a reading problem and ironically I misread what this book was when I borrowed the CDs from the Library. What I thought the book contained was the writings of Mother Teresa and perhaps some of the letters she had written where she doubted her faith. Well, what a happy fault that was, as I devoured Mary's story. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I have a lot in common with you. I am from Detroit Michigan, play guitar (make my living now repairing string instruments), and I was in a religious order years ago. I went to Edmundston, New Brunswick and now live in Texas, although I spent 30 plus years in Arizona. I stayed awake until 5 am listening to your book and I'm on my second time around with it. I can't believe how much you have helped me.
I have struggled with religious doubts all of my life, and I am sad to say that my reason for joining the order in 1961 was to get religion. I was blessed to have joined a less rigid order and although it took a long time, I realized this April when I lived with the sisters for 2 weeks that they still love me.
Like Mary, I was the oldest of 6, my mother had 3 more children after I was 16 and us three older children were kind of thrown away and I was the nursery slave: Diapers to wash, bottles to wash, babies to feed. These children have grown up to be wonderful people but I felt wanted only for my physical labor. I was abused physically and mentally. I didn't see a picture of Mother Teresa (I'd never heard of her either), but I went into the local library to find a book and two Sisters held the door for me spoke to me and were so nice. I asked what order they were, and from what parish, and like greased lighting, I was visiting them and nothing was going to stop me from entering, not even my lack of belief. I was 19. I figured I'd get super saturated and I'd get it. Well, nothing happened. The longer I was there, the more I felt like a hypocrite and it affected my health, both mental and physical.
For 50 years now I never engaged in the sacraments, never went to church and never missed it. I love to go to church when there is no service, I like the smells and the quiet. About a year ago I started having phone visits with one of the Sisters and after a while, she thought it would be great for me to visit them. I confessed to her my disbelief, my struggle, my lack of interest in the church. I also told her about a woman from India who teaches the Art of Living Course. Through one of my customers I was given the course and after day 4 I started to have some rumbling that perhaps I needed to explore my Catholicism. Well my Sister friend has been so good to me, so patient with me and never once pushed me away when I confessed my disbeliefs.
I decided to visit them, unfortunately, there are so few of them left and they are up in years. I asked her to find me a priest as I wanted to try confession. She went through a lot of trouble to find just the right one, well I went and it was simple, I really did not go into depth as Mary did, but I did it. So, up to communion for the first time in 50 years. I was more emotional at the thought of being with the sisters rather then what communion is supposed to be. Well after that experience, I realized that my yearning is to be with them but not one of them, for the sake of the love and kindness. They do love me and I love them very much. They love me enough to have given me the Constitutions book. Hmmmm--this is the second time this book has been presented to me, once when I was 19 and now again at 70. I'm kind of afraid of it.
Although Mary mentioned several times in her book about updating the constitutions of the MC's , unless I missed the point, I did not see where her changes were accepted. Our order revised the Constitutions in 1986,and honestly, I do not remember what the older book said. My impression was the MC's loved Mary's brain, trusted her with a lot of responsibilities but then pulled the rug out from under her feet. I too have tried to read as much about Mother T as possible, but I am now a bit disillusioned, but in reality the woman was only human. It is sad that the main drive of the MC's was to become a saint. That is a waste of life if you ask me. Poverty is a great part of religious life, but certainly should not mean lapping garbage that is an extreme. One cannot serve if the body is not nourished. Our order stressed that if there is not a vow of poverty the sisters can get too involved with materialism and distracted and their works become "second fiddle" so to speak.
Mary, I'll never forget this book. You are right, it sure is all about love, isn't it?
--Elaine Filion lives with her poodles in Austin Texas, where she cares for Alzheimer's patients and runs a stringed-instrument repair business called Filionius String Instrument Repair.